Disadvantages of Arranged Marriage
Friday 3rd February 2006

Arranged marriage, otherwise known as fixed marriage, has caused a lot of bitterness between families and friends.

This type of union is mostly done when the two parties concerned live in different countries or towns, with no better understanding (if at all) of each other. A young or old man would declare his intention to a friend, relative, or a neighbour of seeking the hand of a young girl or lady in marriage who probably would be living miles and miles away from him.

The start of this union, after such a marriage has been arranged, is characterised by joy and anxiety in the camps of the bride and the bridegroom.

In most cases, the families will come together and the marriage ceremony observed and the woman handed over to the man’s representative, preferably a family member.

At the initial stage of the marriage, the unknown husband would ask the new bride to live with his parents till he is in a position to fund her way to join him in the matrimonial home.

In some cases, parents force their girl child to get into marriage to prevent them from becoming loose and getting pregnant out of wedlock. Some young girls accept marrying to men of the same nationality in distant or other parts of the world with the hope that when they get to them life would be better and progressive. Others just decide to get married to any man of little substance in fear of late marriage or not getting a husband at all.

Sadly enough most parents because of abject poverty are not too mindful of who will marry their children or where they will eventually end up.

Some men too, after changing women several times for reasons best known to them and realising that they are growing old, they would do all they could using their resources to get the hand of a young and innocent girl in marriage.

Fatou Jeng, a friend of a victim of fixed marriages, said: “Arranged marriages are a terrible thing to engage in. My friend Madonna got into it and went to meet the husband in the USA. She has now found out that her new husband, who has lived in the USA for forty years, is lazy and now depends on her for survival. Madonna is not free at all. Her father now wants her to leave the husband and lead her own life.

It is very important to note that many problems are associated with fixed marriages. Some brides in fixed marriages have been left sick and in pain for the rest of their lives owing to maltreatment in the hands of their husbands. In some polygamous matrimonial homes, some wives have met with their enemies for life and others have been challenged by their ex-mates who become life enemies.

Recent Happenings
According to a reliable source, a Sierra Leonean man living in Bwiam, Mr Kamara, never knew his wife before she joined him in The Gambia a year ago. The lady has passed away recently.

The source further hinted that Kamara’s brother, a police, saw Victoria and convinced her to marry to Kamara, who lives in Banjul as a teacher. He told her that her new husband had no wife but in reality Kamara was married with two kids and later divorced his previous wife.

At the initial stage after Victoria’s arrival, it was all rosy and beautiful in the home. Not too long things started to get sour as the strange attitudes of the couple started upsetting each other. Victoria started facing so many unbearable challenges and difficulties in the home, causing her to live a lonely and solemn life and keep crying everyday at home. She requested several times her return to her parents in Sierra Leone but such requests fell on deaf ears.

Kamara remained hardhearted and caused a lot of problems for the young lady. Some times the ex-wife would come and embarrass Victoria at the house and even insult and assault her in the face of the husband. The husband failed to support her in all her struggles.

It was also learnt that Victoria’s parents in Freetown had called on her and Kamara to go to Freetown but Kamara refused to go.

Meanwhile, he was summoned by Victoria’s aunt in The Gambia and he promised to buy a plane ticket for Victoria in November but also reneged in that promise.

Instead Kamara continued to mistreat Victoria and beating her. On one occasion she was beaten till she ran to her aunt at the Basse Camp.

She later fell ill and was rushed to the Bwiam hospital while in coma. She was taken to the Westfield Clinic and later referred to RVTH, where she eventually died recently.

Many wanted to blame it on black magic but Kamara dismissed such notions as false. He said nobody would want to kill a hardworking woman, a homemaker, a cheerful woman and one who did not mingle around.

“We did not understand the situation in which a young woman like my niece died,” Victoria’s aunt had said. “We would not blame it on anyone but leave our case with God who sees in secret and knows best.”

However, arranged marriages can barely survive if the two parties’ attitudes are extremely incompatible.

Complexity of mankind is not easily understood, it is on the other hand fitting to know the man or woman one wishes to stick to in marriage for life.

What many fail to know is that, “there are many colourful flowers on the path of life, but the prettiest have the sharpest thorns”. So man needs patience and tolerance for the other.